The "good old days" aren't the great new "today"

Sometimes I feel like I am running out of time. I never seem to have enough time to do all the things I need and want to. It is 10:30 at night and this is the only time to myself that I am able to sit down and reflect on things. I would never trade where I am in my life right now however, sometimes I miss the days when I could write in my journal in peace and be able to complete a sentence without being interrupted. I miss the days when I could walk through a store and not feel like I need to rush because someone needs me. I miss those days, but I know I would miss "today" more if I were to go back in time.

Today I was able to go shopping without the kids. It felt weird because I usually take them if I go anywhere but today my friend Kaydee watched the girls for me. I forgot how quickly I could pop in and out of a store when I am alone. During my drive home I began to think. I thought about how much I have grown during the past 6 months. After I had Taylor, I really struggled with my place in life, feeling inadequate, incapable and overwhelmed. I have realized how much more at peace I am in my life right now, how happy I am to be a wife and mother. I began to think about my kids and how much joy they bring to me. JOY is a wonderful feeling and I believe only comes from God. I thank my Heavenly Father that I am able to experience this time and season of my life. To be a mother. To give myself completely to my children. To teach them, play and help them come to know who they are. To know and love God. It is amazing how close they are to God.

During my drive home I began to cry because I love where I am in my life and I would never change one thing. Six months ago, I don't think I really loved being a mother. I loved my children, but I felt stretched thin and unable to give what was needed. God is incredible how He has answered my prayers. Some days, I pray just to make it through and somehow I do. Today, instead of asking for His help to make it through, I thanked Him for giving me these experiences. I really feel grateful. I don't always feel that way but today I could see the growth I have gained. It is wonderful to feel that I have gotten to a point in my life I wasn't sure was possible. I know this life is full of continual lessons but it is wonderful to see growth. I feel so blessed.

A couple weekends ago Shon and I went to the Temple to do sealings. As I knelt across from Shon in the temple, I was reminded of our wedding day 5 years ago. It was beautiful. I felt every memory was as clear as it was that day. I had such an incredible experience and it was wonderful to be able to do that for someone else who didn't have the chance. We were there for about 2 1/2 hours before we had to leave. I was bursting with milk and I knew we needed to relieve our sitters from our children. On our way home Shon and I talked about how difficult it was to leave the temple. We had a stack of family names we were doing for this couple in our ward and we only made it through about a third of them. We felt so bad because we knew that the couple next on the list was disappointed that their work hadn't been done yet and would have to continue to wait. I felt such a desire to get back to the temple. It is an incredible place to be. There is nothing like it. The closest place I feel to Heavenly Father is in the temple, and holding my babies right after they are born. Amazing.

So... this is my time. My time to strive to be my best. To rely on God to help me overcome my weaknesses, my faults and to become what only He knows I can become. Today is my day and I am grateful for it.