We are to have joy

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."
2 Nephi 2:25

I have been thinking about this scripture a lot. I get so involved in the moment of each day that I tend to forget the bigger picture of life, of eternity. It is easy for me to get caught up in the thick of thin things and I get overwhelmed, frustrated, tired and upset. I know that this is part of the natural man that I am battling each day. Some battles are more difficult for me to win but I am working hard to win the war. I want to experience each day with hope and joy. I hate feeling weighed down by the stress of life. I think it is a way the adversary tries to discourage me in my progression through life. I need to take each day at a time, each moment, each experience and find the joy in it.

I was really moved by Julie Beck's talk during conference. Everything she said about motherhood just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was so powerful, so much of what I needed to hear. I love knowing that there is an eternal influence and power in being a mother. Some days it really doesn't feel like it, between the meltdowns and dirty diapers and endless piles of laundry to fold (sorry Shon), sometimes it is difficult to see the bigger eternal picture. It was a great reminder for me to have that eternal picture brought back into my perspective and Sister Beck's talk really did that for me. I worry at times that I am having a negative effect on my children and I really want to change that. Sis. Beck said...." When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children."

That was such a comfort to me. I have made sacred eternal covenants with God and there is great power in that. I am amazed how easy it is for me to forget this, but the power and influence I have will be for good on my kids as long as I keep my covenants. Okay, so it won't be PERFECT, which is why I am so hard on myself, but it will be for good.... It will be there for them.

Yesterday was one of those days that everything that was negative or could go wrong, did. I was in a state of panic. I went to a primary pres. meeting, and my kids were the ones crying and fussing and I couldn't participate in the meeting. I was so frustrated and I am sure everyone in the meeting wished I hadn't been there. It is amazing that from that point on, the rest of the day was miserable. Avery gets so wired when she is tired that she just goes and goes without stopping. I don't know how she does this but she is like the Energizer bunny.... NEVER STOPS. I still get up in the middle of the night with Taylor (I have tried so hard to get her to sleep through the night but she still gets up about 2 times) so most days I feel like I am dragging. I just feel like it is a victory to make it through the day and when my head hits the pillow I think "Yes, I have made it." I want to change my way of thinking. I don't want to just endure through each day, but be grateful for each experience whether it is good or bad. This is difficult for me. I tend to feel "Woe is me and I can't make it." I need to know that I have the help of the Lord and I don't need to do this by myself.

Sister Beck also talked about "Mothers who know do less." She said:

"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

When I heard that, I thought "Wow... that is true." I knew what I needed to improve on, what I need to eliminate that just adds to the confusion. She concluded by saying...

"Who will prepare this righteous generation of sons and daughters? Latter-day Saint women will do this—women who know and love the Lord and bear testimony of Him, women who are strong and immovable and who do not give up during difficult and discouraging times. We are led by an inspired prophet of God who has called upon the women of the Church to "stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord."6 He has asked us to "begin in [our] own homes"7 to teach children the ways of truth."

I am working hard to become a better mother, a better wife, neighbor, friend, daughter, sister....... person. I love my Heavenly Father. Today I asked Avery if she knew that Heavenly Father loves her and she smiled at me and said "Yeah." I know she is only 2 but in my heart I feel that she knows that she is loved. I hope that as she and Taylor grow they will always know that Heavenly Father and Savior always love them and is something that they never doubt or question. Experiences like this bring joy into my life.