My Reason

I have so many thoughts running through my head so hopefully I will be able to organize them so they make some sort of sense. I loved General Conference. It was so uplifting and inspiring for me. At the end of conference I thought to myself how much better I am for having listened.

The past four months have been such a whirlwind for me. I have really struggled with the adjustment of being a mom of two that are eighteen months apart. I know... I know, I am not the first person to enter into this territory, but it has been a big adjustment for me. I have been struggling with having the energy to keep up with all the demands of every day life, without being too overwhelmed. After much searching and pondering, I have come to realize that I have struggled with post partum depression. I hate that word, but if I am going to be true and honest with myself then I have to realize that this is a struggle I have been given and must work through. I am not a depressed kind of person. Sure I have my days when I get down (usually because my hormones are off the chart) but to experience that kind of "down" every single day is very lonely, dark and scary. I have really had to turn my heart and will over to God. My husband has been my life savor through all of this. I really don't know how or what I did to deserve him. **Side Note** I remember as a missionary tracting in the rain and my companion "Sista Bowles" and I would tell ourselves that the more we knock doors in the rain the better our husbands were going to be. Well we just told that to ourselves to give us that extra incentive to not give up or become discouraged since tracting in the rain in England is a daily occurrence. I must say there has to be some truth to this because I did marry the greatest man! He is the Total Package! He has given help when I needed help. He has been sensitive to my needs and has stepped up to the task of being a good husband and father. I really don't know what I would do without my other half. I guess to use the famous movie line... "he completes me." So, in spite of all the ups and downs I have experienced over the past few months, I can see a new day ahead. General Conference was the reinforcement I needed to get myself over this terrible down. Elder or rather President Eyring gave such a great talk on Sunday. I just love him. He really has such a sensitive side to him and is so sincere. He talked about the importance of writing down your feelings every day. Not necessarily to keep a journal per say, but to be a reminder of how much the Lord blesses us each day. We often fail to recognize his continued blessings in our lives and the hand he plays in guiding us. I know that I need to take more time to stop and recognize the Spirit in my life. The more I recognize the Spirit, the more experiences I will have. I needed this. I don't necessarily write down my thoughts because I want others to read them, but rather I do it because I know that I need it. I thought, what a great way to stay close to God by starting a daily thought log. I know some days will be better then others, but I want to be committed to this. I really know that it can bless my life. I remember doing this as a missionary and my mind was opened so much more to spiritual things. I love the Spirit. I am grateful to have him as a constant companion. He really does guide my life when I am willing to give Him the wheel and say "Okay... you drive." I don't know why this is hard for me, but it is something I am trying to work on. I have so much to overcome and improve, but the great thing is that with God nothing is impossible. I have eternity to improve... I just need to make sure that He is part of the equation.